Needy

All my life I have grown up looking around and seeing people being strong.

Strong, it’s pretty cool really, you live for yourself, you rely on yourself, you confide in yourself, you dry your own tears and swallow up your fears, you comfort yourself, you console yourself, you see yourself through every obstacle with no support but that of your own self, you laugh for yourself, you cry for yourself, you defend yourself and learn to take the blow by yourself, you heal your own self and you somehow pick up and get through life, depending on no one but yourself.

It’s amazing! Commendable, very very brave and gallant and noble and righteous. I see so many of you and I know so many of you, and as much as I love so many of you, I cannot understand any of you!

It is indeed a matter of perception, but in mine, no one is put on this planet to live alone. No one is asked to fight alone and no one deserves to cry alone. Sure, on one hand you have the survival of the fittest that every rough opportunist musters to abide by, but on the other hand you have whatever has been left after the fittest has survived. On the other hand you have, THIS.

We are not a constantly evolving race, that, if it ever happened (I, on a religious front have always been a little double minded about that!) was over a long time ago. An adapting race? SURE. We are a vastly adapting race. But we have evolved to be all that we were meant to be. And look around you today. Everything exists in harmony with each other. If there is ANYTHING that we as humans are to garner from the universe around us, it is that no one and nothing exists in solo (yes, Jason Derulo can ride solo all he wants, but let’s face it, that is just till he sees the next woman and wonders what if he were making his babies with her :/).

I am no intelligent scientist to tell facts of the minuscule molecules that co-exist in harmony with each other and astound you for 10 seconds, I’m a mediocre writer with the most limited knowledge of the larger scheme of things, but when I look at the world around me, the things right outside my window and beneath my feet, I know not a thing exists that can exist alone, not a tile, not a brick, not a leaf and not a stone.

But of course, we are humans, greater than sticks and stones. For those of us who feel so, who feel we are much more complex than the rest of the universe which knows how to go about its own business without any help or confusion, that humans are an order of multiple parallel complexities that no other form of life and no other level of the universe can make sense of, then tell that pang in your heart when you feel you have no one to stop existing, tell that tear on your cheek when you feel overwhelmed because of love bestowed to never roll down, tell that feeling you get every now and again that you always nod off, that feeling of wishing you had someone by you, no matter what road you may take or what may befall upon you, tell that feeling that it is a lie. Wait, that is exactly what you keep doing. When you meet your moment of truth, you deny it and pretend you are born for yourself.

But that is not the truth. Your life is an existence meant to intertwine with so many others, meant to change so many others, meant to bring hope to so many others, meant to comfort so many others and meant to hurt so many others. In the same way, there are always lives, ALWAYS but one life at any given point of time,meant to make you bleed till you wish you would die, meant to bring hope to your forlorn soul, meant to comfort you in your darkest hours and lives, meant to change yours.

Embrace those lives every step of the way and ask of them what you wish. Ask for comfort, ask for solace, ask for love. If you don’t find it in one place, never blind yourself to the possibility that you were looking for it in the wrong place. Years ago I had a friend who once sent me this ridiculous text about how the world is no market for your sorrows, how no one will care about you but you need to learn to live for yourself. I suppose it was meant to reflect how he felt at the particular time or something, but I remember how much it angered me. We all feel lonely from time to time, we all feel desperate from time to time, we all feel like no one does care more often than naught, but the truth is, there is ALWAYS SOMEONE who does care, who is waiting for you to sometimes reach out to them so that they can rope you in to the light, some people are often lucky enough to find the right souls to reach out to, some are not, but the truth is that there is always someone who is there, waiting, wanting, needing, to make a difference in your life because that is what will complete theirs.

All you strong people, I admire you, but I never want to be like you. I am needy and I love that because it makes me a traveler, looking for a soul to connect with from time to time here there and everywhere. I love being a traveler and I love the joy it gives me when I feel like I have emancipated a part of my being which found its way to another’s path and together,  the two created a little magic, that of healing, that of comfort, that of rest, that of a smile or that of mere release, but I was able to make myself a part of something bigger that I was created to be, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

I am weak and I am needy, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

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