A Goodbye I cannot say

Today, I leave the city I have been in for the past 3 years, but I cannot say goodbye, for many reasons.

Firstly, to say goodbye one must be at a place where they know how. I am not. I never thought leaving this city would be this way. I guess I am yet to learn that there are certain things in life that simply are perfect, no matter how hard you try telling yourself that they aren’t, no matter how much you think you are making the right decision, you are not ever going to have a heart to happily say goodbye to these things. Because some things are too perfect, and you will never be able to walk away from it with no regrets.

Secondly, I do not know where I am headed. I have taken such a blind leap of faith with my life at this point, I really have no idea if this is the right decision. Surely, if not, there is something more for me to pick up from here, but the truth is, I have ceased questioning only because I know that it is too late now to think otherwise, and because I want to take this risk, I feel I will learn from it. I must.

Thirdly, I have always known Bangalore was home to me from the time I was a child and I would visit cousins here every other summer. I remember being enchanted by the whole feel of the city and just knowing that in India, in my country, this was the place for me. And boy a child’s intuition I tell you! My heart aches at how much of a home I have found here. College, Forum mall, MG road, Elita, all of it, my heart aches at how perfect it all has been, and how much I know I belong here and how I don’t know when I will ever return. I wonder, WHY am I leaving?

Fourthly, the memories, the insane perfect memories, and the MOST special bunch of human beings that exist on this planet whom I have had a chance to know. Nothing will be the same without all of them.

Sumit, for being the calm in my storm of a life, my rock, always by my side to catch me.

Sonia, for understanding me through depths I cannot fathom, just your face ever morning that was a comfort when I felt cornered by the world.

As, for all the million memories I have only with you.

Suhas and babes, for showing me I could laugh in ways only you guys ever could make me, for making me believe that I can enjoy at any time, and making everything a hundred times more fun!

Shruds, my home away from home, nothing will ever be the same without you.

Nai, for being the perfect streak of pain that no one else I love could have given me so.

Shwets, for just being you and being my best friend!

I cannot imagine a life apart from so many of you, and I don’t even want one. But I’m going on this wild little silly adventure, and I hope someday I can look back at this and make sense of it all.

For now, I will ride with the tide and see where I head.

I cannot say goodbye, and I WILL NOT say goodbye, I am leaving, but this isn’t the end. Of anything.


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