My sanctuary, I have called her sometimes, my shelter, my fortress, my secret escape, my rendezvous, my salient guide, my everything, my absolute everything.
Today when I think of her I have no words.
She knows. She knows all.
I ran away from a life I thought was surely not meant to be mine and I came back to a place I call home. A place I always knew to be home. Alas! home is where the heart is and I know this is where my heart is.
However, as hours went by things began to change.
My best friend began to seem….. awry.
To others I began to feel a burden, a not so welcome surprise, a pin that had been thrown off the board a long time ago.
My spirits did not dampen, for as much as I knew that I left the city partially cause of these ‘important people’, I returned not for them, but for myself. The knowledge that I may still love them as much frightened me, but that they didn’t care jack for me, didn’t in the least bit.
Still, I was lost.
I went to her. As I always do.
It was a tradition I began when my boyfriend broke up with me 3 years ago, I loved him more than my life and wanted him back with every breath in me, so I went to her, every single day, I went ceaselessly and asked her till I got him back.
It kind of became a refuge after that. I went often, then not so often, then very occasionally, then rarely, I didn’t tell her goodbye before I left, I came back, I came back to her, I came back for her.
I was so distraught, a million answers, a million and one questions, all on my mind at once, I closed my eyes and the phone rang, I picked it up, and I got annoyed.
But instantly I knew what to say, and it made sense. It made so much sense like nothing did before. It was there in front of me all along, but I didn’t see it, although I tried and I tried and I tried.
But she showed me. I had faith in her and she showed.
Faith like a mustard seed, indeed can move mountains.