Vacant

Her heart is vacant, save the plastic cover of what I want to be charred away by the burning of what I am not.

The other way around? No, I believe it not.

I wish to believe that there is goodness in most human beings, nay, all human beings, but for various reasons we stray, some nearer home, some farther. I understand the black and the white, but I hate the grey. Is there goodness at the core of what you do, goodness that cripples your weak heart with humility driven insane? Or is it just weakness that takes a topple over selfishness? I think I would say it is the latter.

You smart! You smart me like blows by loved ones often do, and yet you do not take away a single part of me. No my sweet, not a single part. And yet, you smart.

I was in err to consider you would be a phoenix rising from the ashes, I didn’t think as much because you told me so like you so often did, but because I believed that human beings grow, they stumble, they rise, they fall, they rise, they burn, and arise.  You didn’t. For I didn’t choose to mark revival by the ability to not fall again, but to know that you are falling, and how the ground so close to you is collapsing as well, you have seen it happen, there is so much you should know.

I stand on this ground today, and DARE you try to pull me into your hole, you selfish SELFISH one! I would have aided you, I would have chided your every plea, probably climbed into the ditch with you and sat with you through darkness till you were brave enough to stand the beauty and immensity of light, and yet, you didn’t care, you simply fell, and closed your eyes as you did so, carelessly, stupidly, selfishly closed your eyes. Closed you heart.

Nothing you can say will justify what you have done, nor pacify the brutal blow upon my heart, for I am not merely alone, I am angry, I am pained, I am disappointed, gravely utterly disappointed. And you will not rise to find me waiting at the top for you any longer.

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