Alright so don’t have me mistaken, I am one of those people who absolutely TRULY love every little thing about being single! ESPECIALLY after I have just gotten out of two extremely painful and complicated relations, it feels positively breath taking so be on my own and have no feelings for any man (well, boys actually to be honest!) pulling me down! Besides which, I have always been more or less of a free butterfly kinds in essence, I can’t have a guy bringing my spirit down, I need to fly and know I am being everything my soul wants me to be, I’ve always had that issue with relations. I need to laugh a lot, cry a lot, think a lot, and be overwhelmingly passionate about a lot of people and things, and well, those aren’t things that go very well in relations I’ll tell ya!
However, I have had this odd feeling I haven’t been able to shake off all day, I am not sure what it is, but I know it’s not a wonderful feeling.
I am young, so young that I don’t even have to say I am twenty ‘something’, I’m twenty one!, I am an essentially happy person, I know what I want with the rest of my life pretty well, I have just gotten accepted into the university I want for the course I want in the city I want, I have the world’s greatest people as my friends and I actually like being me! I couldn’t ask for a single thing more from whoever runs this universe!
And yet, there is that guy. That guy who has harboured a soft spot for you from over five straight years, and you find out he’s dating. In all honesty, you are happy for him because you never ever really had feelings for him, and he is genuinely a good guy and deserves love and you are actually really really happy he has found it, but there is a part of you, a small yet significant part, that feels weird, not exactly because he moved on, but because of what it forces you to open your eyes and look at.
Discrepancies you prefer to shut your eyes too. Those between the past and the present, which is funny cause you love where you are at, but there are so many things about the past that you pretty darn well loved too! It feels funny, small changes that are sometimes simply markers or reminders or reality checks to bigger ones. You are not sixteen anymore, and SURE you revel in that most days cause it means you are not the insecure, neurotic, cowardly teenager you were, but it also means that yours is not the only life that has moved on, every one’s has, and that is sometimes the most nerve wracking, confusing feeling you have to face in the midst of all the growing up you do every day. How do I do it? Today I do it with my Belgian Sea friends and some Sex and the City marathon!