There are the kind of closets you open up, pick a beautiful dress from and adorn yourself with, the kind of closet that encapsulates within it articles that you are proud to own, and desire to be viewed by the public eye, but naturally.
Then there are the other kind of closets. The one we don’t ever deign to go near. The ugly one. The one with the skeletons.
We all have them, don’t we?
I don’t suppose there is anybody who can say that there isn’t a single thing they have done, are doing, are living with, or are living with the scars of that someone in their life doesn’t know of.
No, we are all secretive beings and have a minimum amount of skeletons in that one closet that we keep hidden far away from our pretty closet(s). The two won’t mix. Of course not! A tutu skirt and a ribcage? No, I don’t think so. We don’t mix the two. One is to be seen in, the other, is to never ever be seen (or heard, or thought) of, ever.
We live our lives in the secret desperate plea that someday, if we keep the closet hidden and unperturbed long enough, it may just disappear, and for now, we can cover it up with a longer sleeve or a funny line, or hey, a blogpost! But does it ever really fade into nothingness like we hope for? Or does it lie like a silent beast awaiting to hunt down its prey when close enough? Do perhaps, these dead closets have a little after life of their own?
Needless to say, I have my ugly closet, had one since forever. I try to pretend it doesn’t exist, sometimes I can go years with just my pretty polka dots and net and lace and florals to beautify myself, but one day you wake up and you realize that no amount of material can cover up the freak show of skeletons you have, because it isn’t just a part of your life that you can separate from the good stuff, it’s within you, a part of your being.
So NOW what?!
I don’t know, my loves. I really don’t know.
It’s frightening to know that you have to pull the skeletons out one by one to destroy them, because they are so much safer within, where no one can see them, where even you don’t have to acknowledge that they exist, but one X ray and blood test away from doomsville, you know that the time has come to start accepting that they exist, and preparing for the attack as they are gruellingly harrowed from within you.
I’m preparing, keep me in your prayers.
If you are, remember, you are in mine, today and always.