I am not sure if it is the early morning hours that I had ceased to rise to since a while or the extreme stress of heading away from vacationing pretty soon, but I realize now that I will miss this place.
By miss, I do mean that I want to cling on to it with all that I have and not let go, yes, I will miss it. As upsetting as the feeling is, I am also glad for it because it is the first ‘normal’ feeling I have had since I arrived here.
I distressed a good deal of my time not knowing how and what to feel here and the rest of my time wanting oh so desperately to return back, but now, as the end draws nearer, I am, as one must at the end of a vacation at ‘home’, deeply going to miss this place.
Since time begot humans, and vacations, we have had the primeval sense of clinging onto the place we find most comfort in and terming it ‘home’, and that is exactly what these three months have taught me. What is a real home? Not the place with the ones you love or the place you spend the most amount of time in, home is where you are at your highest level of comfort, and as long as there is another place that can beat it, nowhere else, no matter how comfortable, will ever be home.
Currently there is no place that beats here, right here, right now. So this is home. Which also reminded me of one thing, this is the only place on earth so far with the capacity to be that place in ma vie. Its distance from all things berating, the mind, body and soul, gives it a most emollient feel. Its memories written in stone remind you that you belong here, even if you don’t feel it. Its extraordinary luxurious lap is not a honey trap one cannot fall prey to. It is home now, not only for what it is, but for what it isn’t. Has it taken on a new meaning? Most certainly. Have I found what I came here looking for? Decisively. Has this vacation been all it was cut out to be? Well, let me say this much, it was indeed what one in the true sense of it all calls a vacation.
I know so much for sure because I don’t wanna go back, and that is something indeed.