Some days it’s a wide grin, some days just a modest turn of my lips at the corners, but every day I smile.
Some people buy jeans a size or two too small hoping they will fit into it perfectly someday. They wear it till then, maybe a little too snug. That’s what I do with my smiles.
Today it feels a bit too tight, I need to nip tuck away my sorrows and zip on the perfect show of them thirty twos, but I hope someday I will lose some of that baggage. I hope that someday she will glide easily onto my face and fit to perfection.
So I am one of those people, uhuh.
I am one of those people who refuse to be unhappy, even when I am not happy. I am one of those people who have sworn to fight to see gratitude till the day I die. I am one of those people who will sit down with my broken heart and list out to her all the reasons why she should be on the mend pronto.
Even though she is too broken to be on any mend, I will still list, because God knows why.
Some days we just don’t feel gratitude. Who are we kidding, let’s get real. When things go wrong, when you pine for things that can’t happen or trip over things that just did and burst into a hundred pieces, you cannot feel gratitude.
I still remind myself, sometimes slightly and sometimes vigorously, why I need to be grateful, and that is when I realized, gratitude is not always synonymous to happiness. Sometimes you may be grateful, truly, deeply, thankful for the life you have been blessed with but you may still find yourself hurting, you may still find yourself sad, you may still find yourself just not okay. And that is okay.
We are each growing, and realize so many things on our sojourn, if there is one thing I have realized over these past few weeks it is to allow yourself room to feel. Don’t tell yourself how you should be feeling. Remind yourself of all the beauty around you, focus on the good to the best of your ability, try on a smile for size, but you don’t have to pretend that it fits if it doesn’t. It’s alright to take all the time that you need.