Hold up, hold up..
So THIS is what it’s like to live your dreams.
I do not even know how to begin this entry, or end it, but most importantly I could never tell you as I wish to what should be said in between, because the in between, MAN! THE INBETWEEN!
We’ve been on this journey for over two years now, you know that ten months back my world came collapsing over me for the third time within a period of 365 days and I was sent into a black hole of numbness.
Do you know what it feels like to have every last avenue to your dreams barricaded shut before you and you don’t really know how to move forward anymore, or what the real point even is?, when you question your whole life and your entire person, when you feel like your insides are nothing but lies, when you feel the ground caving with every step you try to take?, when you feel this for the third time over and by now, you are so ashamed to even feel it that you try pretending the feeling isn’t there? Do you know how it gnaws at you and bares into your insides layer by layer, eating into everything you thought was real? Do you know what it’s like to pretend you know what you are doing cause you so badly wish to not be judged? Do you know how alone it can get in that pernicious dark cave? Well, I hope you don’t, cause there is nothing more unreal than how real this whole situation can get REAL quick (yes, I am aware that I just said the word real three times in this sentence!).
I’m sitting in front of this computer typing this out to you so you must have figured something pulled me out, or more like, someone.
I’ll be honest with you, when Superwoman first started trending all over social media a few years ago I was not impressed. In fact, I was at the end from where you would hear grumbles as to how overrated she is. Uhuh.
However, came last August when Lilly began her daily vlogs I had to reconsider.
I was scrolling through my phone one sleepless night when her first vlog popped up on my screen. Vlogs being a video format of what I do, it instantly drew my curiosity and I decided to give it a watch. It was ten minutes of staring at her face that night that began two of the greatest love stories of my life, my love for the unicorn queen, and in the process my love for myself.
As for Lilly, I finally got the chance to watch her live last night. I got to see her dance, rap, sing and speak. I got to see Paramjeet and Manjeet. I got to see Humble the Poet and Anoshinie (because we all know their significance, FRIENDSHIP GOALS!). I got to look around me and see a thousand fellow unicorns and at that moment, I knew what a difference this woman has been making in this world we live in.
If you are a Lilly Singh fan, let me tell you that you are doing SOMETHING right, because if there ever was a human being worth being a fan of, it has got to be Lilly. For those of you who don’t really follow her, well really, what are you waiting for? Lilly is everything that is right with this world. She is one love, happiness, strength, light, hard work and unicorn positivity! Yes, I didn’t say she has all that, I said she IS, because she is.
As for my relationship with myself, we are going strong, and getting stronger each day. Lilly has taught me that it is not just okay to be myself, but necessary, to ALWAYS be myself. Over the past ten months I have grown to not just love who I am, but fall in love with who I am, every little inch of me. I have learnt to be kinder to myself and to forgive myself for not always knowing everything. I have learnt to trust in myself and to have faith that everything works together for me. I have learnt the power of my dreams and the power of gratitude and the tangible outcome of positivity. I have, learnt to grow into the unicorn that was waiting within me and last night I got lead home to my queen. It was magnificent.
I got to look into Lilly’s eyes as she sang Ed Sheeran and I got to see her beautiful face fall into expressions of love and gratitude the way only Lilly can portray in one look. As I stood there trying to comprehend what had just happened to my life, I couldn’t. My dreams had just began coming true and that has to be the most surreal experience you can ever have, but let me tell you, it happens. It does.
That’s another off the Bucket List 2015!
(Yes, I made a Youtube account so I could post this for you guys!)