One of the easiest things to fall prey to is a foul mood, even for those of us who generally tend to strut in the sunshine, I’ll tell you it doesn’t take much to trigger that little hate, little longing, little nostalgia gone haywire.
She and I were the closest of buds way back in the day, some even called us ‘twins’, we weren’t my definition of inseparable but we were always loitering somewhere near the corner bend of the same.
For a lot of relations I would say that life came in the way, but for ours life happened, and we let it. We are nothing more than a social media update on each other’s homepage now, and sometimes not even that.
It isn’t easy for me to watch her go on with life, I know it makes no sense that I can justify but it irks me at a very vain level, and you can try to deny it but we all have those levels!
Irk me, I can live with that. Throw a little sticks and stones at my rainbow, I can handle that. The point it really begins to get the better of me is when it makes me question myself, my life, my decisions, my accomplishments.
Don’t get me wrong I am GRATEFUL for the life I have been given, for the countless blessings showered upon me every day, sometimes for no apparent reason even, I am. Yet that is exactly what makes this so odd because it only goes to show how no matter how happy we are, no matter how content we are, no matter even if we have cried tears of joy six times in the past seven days (I kid you not), all it sometimes takes is one person to make us doubt everything.
I can sense that I have reached that point in this article where I am supposed to start spitting out epiphanies and answers but I’m just gonna be straight with you, I have none this time.
I don’t know if there are some relations that will forever haunt you until you are brave enough to fix it, I don’t know if it will ever stop bothering me when I see her life going on, I don’t know if this makes me a bad person on some level, I don’t know.
What I do know is it doesn’t always have to be salvation, sometimes it’s just a minor rescue operation.
Good music, my gorgeous new earphones, some tea and an unexpected conversation with an old school mate performed this on me today and so I’m here, telling you my story and hoping I am not alone on this one.