I was the girl who cut strings, that was my thing.
Sometimes it was because someone repeatedly told me something I didn’t like, sometimes it was because I just woke up feeling claustrophobic to how close I had to be with someone, sometimes it was because of one argument and often, it was because of fear, fear that they wouldn’t be able to accept or understand who I had become, I would rather cut them out then be hurt.
It had become a part of my definition of relations, the probability of losing them, of letting them go, of shoving them away, far, far away.
There came a point a couple of years ago where I sat in my tiny room and suddenly saw that I was alone, that I pushed people, the best kind of people whom I had been so fortunate to befriend, away with such vigour and self proclaimed valour that I didn’t realize how foolish I had been.
I wasn’t completely alone though, no, there were somehow a surprising few who made it through my scathing contempt, and my heart knew no bounds of joy that despite my folly I was blessed enough to STILL have a handful of really strong people in my life. That was when I decided that I had to make a change. I had to stop taking people for granted.
I could have sat to chide myself incessantly for the people I pushed away, but I didn’t do that. I decided instead that I would give the people who remained in my life all that I had within me, my love, my gratitude and my time, and most of all the gift of letting them know that no matter what may happen, I am here to stay.
When you invest your time in gratitude the best sort of things begin to happen for you, let me tell you that. Since then the amazing people in my life have not only grown tenfold than I ever dreamed but I have also been able to mend several broken relations of mine.
People have been more kind to me than I can ever begin to tell you. They have forgiven me, they have tried to understand me, they have taken me back as a friend. It was at that point of my life that I realized how kind people can be if you give them a chance, even when you think you don’t deserve it.
Most importantly I realize how important it is to be kind to yourself for not knowing what you didn’t know before you did.
I know this isn’t a fancy piece of writing laced with witty one liners and insightful revelations, but this is something that is very close to my heart and lately I have had a constant calling to share this with you.
I know that sometimes we don’t understand people and we think we don’t know squat about why life acts so difficult but things do work out in funny ways. They just do.