Looking for sunshine


Sometimes landlocked cities that rain for days on end is just not the answer.
Not even the most magical ones.
Off I head looking for sunshine.
Looking for an ocean.
Looking for my bed.
Looking to heal.
When you look out and all you can see is tinted through a looking glass of heart break, well, you need to get away. Far, far away.
A whole entire country away.
I thought this was for you, for the nightmare you’ve made me realize was not one I could wake up from, for the road I crossed without looking to the left, right and the left, for the venom I drank from you that churned my heart and harrowed my soul. I thought I was running away from you.
I was wrong though.
I am just running towards myself, my self that got mangled in your pernicious poison masked in those melliflous words.
I don’t hate you, I don’t want to put out hate into a world already brimming with pain.
I don’t love you, because I got to meet with the brunt of your flaws that slashed my heart.
You are human, as am I, we hurt people sometimes. Hurt them in ways that thier lives will never be the same again.
Once again, as always, I will only think of you with gratitude.
Thank you for once again sending me scurrying into the deepest crevices of me that I hadn’t looked at in years, and for filling them up with a little more love. A lot more kindness.
Maybe I had to take off, to run away, to escape from you, but it’s okay really, I am just running towards myself that you took me so far from.
So here is to you, for one last time, for all your truth and all your lies, for all you said that you loved my soul and for all you never even saw it, for all you made me question and all the hundred shades of insane you made me become, for all I saw I had learnt and grown, for every wrong word you’ve said and some right ones that don’t mean much now, for all the friends who got closer cause of you, for the ones who grew wings cause I had to be carried out of the valley you kicked me into, for allowing me to hold you for the last time and say goodbye when I was still in love with you, for taking every single kiss and making me hurl over in disgust when I think of them now, for making me wonder about the goodness in people and most of all for showing me that sometimes even though you think you loved the wrong people it is to show you that everyone deserves to be loved, and there are no wrong people, all there is is love.
So here, I have asked you to fly away too many times but it looks like my wings just sprouted so..


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