I Hate This Part Right Here

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So this is that part.

That part people call growing up.

I’m not ready.

Oh heaven knows I’m not ready! You don’t even need to go that far, just ask my folks, they’ll tell you I’m nowhere near ready.

Or do they think I am? I don’t know.

I’ve just begun chasing my dreams, and I finally see my dreams running towards me as well and that’s a sight for sore eyes! It’s a sight SO beautiful that I don’t think I want to look anywhere else.

I sure as hell don’t want to look at growing up.

But it’s here. It’s in my face. It’s on my homepage. It’s in my home, or lack thereof.

This is the part I was so afraid of, the part I always thought I’d box away till the day I have done everything that the adolescent in me needs to do. Broken all the rules, bent all the stereotypes, fought all the childhood demons and forgiven and set free all the survivors left behind from the battle.

I was getting there, I swear I was, but the train suddenly went off track into adultville. Weren’t there a few more years till we reached there? Let’s go over this maturely, like adults do.

We ran around in all our madness as children making for the happiest memories only innocence could conceive. And then we all turned into morbid, self-loathing, Simple Plan loving teenagers who no one could understand, including ourselves. And then we did college, we screwed up, we made mistakes, we drank and we danced and we lived a little.

And then we were lost. For a good while, we were just lost. At first we hated every part of it, nothing made sense, life wasn’t going how we planned for it to. And then slowly we began accepting that it wouldn’t, and suddenly it didn’t seem so bad. Suddenly we found room to redefine, to look for dreams, to look for ourselves. Suddenly we found a little madness to run to all over again.

Every phase meshed so perfectly into the last, but adulthood? This one came like a massive bolt of lightning. It happened so soon, it happened in a month, a week, a day. It happened in a moment.

It happened today, right now.

It happened when I was supposed to just plug in my earphones and listen to Ed Sheeran sing about life in all his eloquent obscurity. It happened when instead I saw some pretty un-obscure things that people around me were up to.

I had to sit up, look at my own life and ask the question. Do I get to be a child anymore? And the painful answer was no. No, Soumya. You don’t.

Just a little longer? A few more years is all I ask for.

No.

Nop.

You don’t.

The sad part about adulthood is that unlike the other phases, this one has a lot more to do with other people than you alone. You don’t get to decide when you are ready. You’re sort of pushed into it, ready or not.

And heaven knows I’m not ready!

I am not ready.

For that part that people call growing up.

So this is that part.

Couldn’t even find a decent stock photograph for adulthood. Pssht.

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