Heartbreak is really a funny thing, thought Marcia.
No, what is funny is you don’t realize how much of your heart has been taken over by the cancerous feeling of liking someone until you realize that if they move two steps further from where they are right now, you can feel it tugging at your heartstrings.
He moved. Yes, he took a good big two steps away and she realized just how much it could hurt her. She wanted to do something, but she didn’t know quite what.
She wanted to cry but tears didn’t seem to fit, they didn’t appear no matter how many times she opened that picture with his arms draped all over that girl. I dislike her, she thought. In fact it isn’t so much her as him that I dislike, her mind droned on.
She opened his profile and glared at it for a good ten minutes. I don’t even like him, and yet, why does it pain me that he has moved on? Why?
The question haunted her as she pulled her covers over her eyes and decided it was time to grab some shut eye. I can’t deal with more thoughts today, she decided and drifted off into a land where she had nothing to deal with, no feelings, no pain, no loss.
The act of waking up from her slumber was enervating, because little did she want to face the day that lay ahead of her, fifteen more minutes, she thought hitting the snooze button on her phone and placing her head back at that right spot on her pillow.
She awoke in ten, her mind suddenly alert and she knew this was her cue to start the day, grab it while it lasts, she thought, instantly pushing herself up and running in for a hot shower to begin the day.
As she stepped out her mind began quickly working on a checklist of the things she had to get done to call herself a productive human being that day and the realization just began to sink in that the list was rather voluminous.
She threw on the clothes that she found cleanest in a wardrobe that was long overdue its wash and dry date, and slapped on her sunscreen. Just as she was heading out she caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror, not her most formidable self, nonetheless she could pull off the rugged, unkempt look. He would think so, and she instantly hated her whole entire day because she just paved way for a series of thoughts with that one opening. Just why?
She took to the streets with a damp spirit and kept walking until she could hail the nearest cab. After four failed attempts, she finally caught one and climbed in to ensconce her broken heart and wounded spirit on a long journey to fifty third street.
“We would love to have you write in for us once a month”, said the voice at the other end of the table.
After what felt like a little lifetime had elapsed by, Marcia gathered herself and managed to tumble out onto the pavement.
She turned around and looked at the massive concrete structure behind her and then hurled over and tried to catch her breath in between eighty quick gasps that just escaped her system.
So dreams do come true, she thought.
Sometimes on days that you begin snoozing your alarm because you had no idea how badly you may want to savour every waking moment of this day, sometimes on days when you walk down the road with no song in your heart and no good things on your mind, sometimes after taking a cab ride where you just couldn’t care less if it took you to your destination or the destination the lady across the street wanted to go to, sometimes after entering a tall, tall building that you thought was nothing more than just that, sometimes, you are forced to look back at all of that and go hurry and make an entry about it somewhere because all of it happened on the day your dreams came true.
She was agreed her very first editorial column in one of the city’s leading magazines. One small step for Marica, one giant leap for Marcia, she thought.
As she settled into her massive couch that cocooned her whole her mind felt funny.
It was a good day, heck no, it was a God damned fabulous day, a day she was supposed to go write about in her journal and a day she was supposed to buy herself a cake and a day she was supposed to put on her happiest music and dance till she fell down dizzy.
Well, it would be all that except she couldn’t stop thinking what he would think of her victory.
It didn’t matter, this was about her, of course, but still, she knew he would have been proud of her, he always believed in her. Maybe I should tell him, she thought, immediately scratching that thought off the think board.
Why do some of the best things and the worst happen to you simultaneously? She wondered.
Maybe it was the universe’s way of balancing things, or maybe it was its way of placating her pain. That seemed considerate. However, if you look at it the other way it felt quite nasty. Why couldn’t she just have her happy day to herself? Why did it have to come mangled with such heart ache and pain? It didn’t feel right.
To AF, for always making certain my dreams blazed brighter than the sun.