Let’s Talk — Guilty, Confused, And Misunderstood

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“You don’t seem to leave,” I say.

“Maybe I am here for a reason.”

“But.. You complicate things.”

“I know, but I won’t apologise for being me. You shouldn’t have to apologise either, for being you.”

“But don’t you get it?! I ALWAYS have to. Because of you. I ALWAYS have to apologise to EVERYONE. You make it so hard!”

“I understand.”

“DO YOU? Now tell me, do you really? Because I DO NOT. I NEVER understand ANYTHING thanks to you!”

“You’re mad at me.”

“Of course I am mad at you! You make me hate.. everything! Everyone. And you make everyone hate me. Why would I not be mad at you? HOW could I not be mad at you?”

“Well, you just, accept me. That’s how.”

“But you’re not good for me.”

“And how do you deduce that?”

“Well let’s see. I don’t know how long you’ve been around, to be honest. It feels like you’ve been around much longer than I’ve known..”

“I couldn’t just walk in and introduce myself now, could I? You had to find out about me on your own.”

“Yes, okay. But I wish you wouldn’t have been around at all. I have lost so many people I love because of you.”

“But I make you, you.”

“And see? You do THAT! You make me feel like I’m a monster!”

“Actually, you do that to yourself.”

“Because of you!”

“Which is why I said, I’m a part of you.”

“Which is why I said, I wish you were NOT!”

“We’re going around in circles.”

“Isn’t that your speciality?” 

“Blame games.”

“Another badge of honour you bring along.”

“Sarcasm.”

“Alright, that’s all me.”

“So there are things which you are, apart from me.”

“Yes, I mean, I hope so. I guess so. But you are so integral. You just throw yourself in everywhere.”

“You throw me in.”

“Blame games.”

“My signature move. I know. But this isn’t about me. Let’s focus on you.”

“Somedays I don’t even know if there is a me without you anymore. Or if there ever was. If there ever can be.”

“That depends on you. Do you plan to keep me around?”

“It isn’t entirely my choice now, is it?”

“You think I brainwash you?”

“Something like that.”

“But here we are, having this conversation. Your brain seems pretty alright to me, love.”

“Well.. It’s not always like this though, is it? You turn up when I don’t expect it. And just sort of shush every other voice in my head. You’re so POWERFUL.”

“Only because you let me be.”

“What are you saying? You know it’s not exactly a CHOICE.”

“You keep talking about choices. Tell me, what would you choose if you could choose anything?”

“To be sane. To FEEL sane. And PLEASE don’t throw that Alice in Wonderland quote at me about all the best people being crazy. Nobody gets it.”

“But you do.”

“But what’s the use?”

“Don’t you see? YOU get it. You get the crazy. You get ME. Others may not but others don’t matter.”

“But if you are a part of me, they need to get you too.”

“Nobody gets EVERYTHING about somebody else.”

“That’s true. But you’re not exactly like an odd choice of cereal or a love for pineapple pizzas now, are you? You’re there in little moments, magnifying them. And you’re there when it’s rough, confusing me with your endless riddles. I become less than what I could have been without you. Less of a person.”

“But I’m an addition. If anything, you’re MORE of a person with me.”

“Well then, you make me TOO much of a person. Wow.. That’s exactly what they all say. They say I’m too much.”

“Too much to handle, too much to understand, too much..”

“Too much to love.”

“Too much to love. And you want to be less?”

“No.”

“Just remember that.”

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One Comment Add yours

  1. VitaniRose says:

    Reblogged this on Everything and Life and commented:

    The Borderline Brain.

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